My Secret Vibrating Lipstick by Screaming O


The first lipstick vibrator we'll be looking at today is the Screaming  My Secret Vibrating Lipstick. Running on AG13-size watch batteries, the My Secret comes with three speeds and a pulse setting; these options are not as impressive as the ten settings the Bad Bitch boasts lower down on this list, but offer more variety than the more common single-setting toys. Because of the sealed packaging on this item, I could not take it out to test how strong or loud the vibrations were in-store, something I was able to test on all of the other products on this list.

The My Secret lipstick is made of hot pink silicone in a black plastic case. The bright colour and silicone material are convincingly close to the look of real lipstick, and the cap is simple and comes to a tapered tip. The shape of the case is designed so the vibrator can be used with the cap on or off, letting the user choose between a hard plastic or soft silicone tip.

On a shelf or in someone else's hand, it's a very convincing disguise. However, an observant snoop looking a little closer might notice that the "lipstick" part is firm and doesn't twist up or down like a normal lipstick. Also, because of the packaging, the actual silicone material was difficult to see clearly, so it may or may not have the matte, light-absorbing texture that makes a lipstick vibe look really convincing. The power button on the bottom is also something of a giveaway on a close examination, and the button placement is an additional risk. If you're looking for a small toy to carry around in a bag, loose objects may press against it long enough to turn on the vibrations.

So let's break things down into the following points:

Is it loud or quiet? Unknown.

Are the vibrations strong or weak? Unknown.

Does it have multiple settings? Yes!

What is the power source? AG13 batteries - not the longest-lasting and a little hard to find.

Does it look convincing from a distance? Yes!

Does it look convincing up close? Not quite.

Is there a chance it can turn on in your purse? Yes.

In short, the Screaming O My Secret is a promising wild card: relatively discreet with some promising options, but an underwhelming power source and not particularly purse-proof. (And if lipstick isn't your jam, or if you want something with a little more texture to play with, Screaming O also makes a My Secret Vibrating Mascara to round out your makeup case!)

Blooming Red Rose Lipstick Vibrator by Funzone


Funzone's Blooming Red Rose is quite possibly the cutest product on this list, arriving in a charming purse-shaped package that opens to reveal a glittering rose-capped lipstick vibrator. Under the cap, the red lipstick twists up and comes to a smooth, rounded point. Like the Screaming O My Secret, the Red Rose also runs on watch batteries, but only offers one vibration setting. The vibration is not particularly strong compared to the other vibrators on this list, but it's surprisingly quiet for a plastic toy with moving parts.

This vibrator seems to be designed for aesthetics rather than discretion. While the red lipstick element twists up and down the way a real tube of lipstick works, it looks like plastic, too smooth and shiny to be a cosmetic product - while not obviously a vibrator, it does look like a toy. In addition, the attractive rose design on the cap and base becomes a self-defeating disguise; an item this eye-catching on your shelf or in your purse is more likely to draw attention, not less.

Like the My Secret, the power button on the Red Rose is located on the base, with a chance of being accidentally activated in a cluttered bag. The quiet vibration, however, means that even if it turns on by mistake it still won't be too obvious.

Breakdown:

Is it loud or quiet? Quiet.

Are the vibrations strong or weak? A little weak.

Does it have multiple settings? No.

What is the power source? AG13 batteries.

Does it look convincing from a distance? Yes, mostly.

Does it look convincing up close? Not really.

Is there a chance it can turn on in your purse? Yes.

In short, Funzone's Blooming Red Rose is great for someone looking for a cute and feminine toy that's quiet and not too overpowering, but it won't work as well as some other toys on this list for someone who wants a stronger vibrator with a convincing and discreet appearance.

Pink Lady Vibro Lipstick by Vivilo


The Pink Lady Vibro Lipstick by Vivilo is a simple yet sleek design: powered by a single AAA battery, this vibrator is composed entirely of hard plastic. The silver cap is plain and the lipstick is a pale pink with an angled flat tip, much less conspicuous than the bright and flashy Blooming Red Rose.

With the cap on, the Pink Lady is convincing as well as understated; it looks the part on a shelf or in a bag, and the lack of adornment won't draw excess scrutiny. However, once the cap is removed, the illusion starts falling apart. The lipstick component is made of distinctively shiny plastic and is moulded in place, and the on/off switch is clearly marked in black text. A closer, uncapped inspection will quickly reveal the Pink Lady to be a vibrator. However, the nondescript case will make such an unprompted inspection unlikely, and the power switch is securely under the cap rather than on the exposed base of the toy, making the Pink Lady a purse-safe and visually discreet travel toy.

Please note the emphasis on visually discreet. While the Pink Lady looks unassuming, it sounds anything but - this is by far the loudest toy on this list, due to the powerful motor and all-plastic construction. A hard plastic material does not absorb kinetic energy the way a softer material like silicone would. This means a plastic toy can offer stronger-feeling vibrations than a silicone toy using the same motor, but the silicone toy would absorb and muffle more sound from the strong vibrations.  There is only one vibration setting on the Pink Lady, but it's a surprisingly strong motor for such a small toy, and the angled tip allows for direct and intense stimulation.

Breakdown:

Is it loud or quiet? Very loud.

Are the vibrations strong or weak? Strong.

Does it have multiple settings? No.

What is the power source? One AAA battery.

Does it look convincing from a distance? Yes, mostly.

Does it look convincing up close? Only with the cap on - otherwise, not really.

Is there a chance it can turn on in your purse? No.

In short, the Pink Lady Vibro Lipstick by Vivilo is an effective travel toy for someone looking for strong vibration in a discreet little package, but it relies on an expectation of privacy - you might want to look elsewhere if you're worried about thin walls or a more convincing lipstick disguise.

Rose Lipstick Vibe by Blush


The Rose Lipstick Vibrator by Blush is the most convincing lipstick on this list by a mile. The exterior is simple and inconspicuous, with only the Blush name on the side and a pair of small arrow symbols at the base. "Blush" sounds more like a name for cosmetics than for a sex toy, and the arrows, which indicate how to open the battery compartment, are subtle enough that even if noticed can be interpreted as a logo or directions on raising or lowering the lipstick component.

Even with the cap removed, the Rose will stand up even to close scrutiny. There are no on/off buttons to reveal a hidden purpose, the lipstick component is made of a soft, realistically matte-textured silicone, and it twists to extend and retract like real lipstick. The disguise only fails when the lipstick is fully extended and the vibration function is activated - or if you forget which lipstick is fake and you try to put it on in public.

Like the Pink Lady, the Rose is powered by an AAA battery and has a single but strong vibration setting. The Rose matches the Pink Lady in power, but is noticeably quieter - though not as quiet as the Bad Bitch below. When extending the lipstick to activate this setting, there is a noticeable resistance before the vibration starts: this allows the user to extend the lipstick without automatically activating the motor, maintaining the disguise until the last possible second. Additionally, the twist-to-activate function virtually guarantees that this toy will not turn on by accident in your purse, making it travel-safe as well as convincing.

Breakdown:

Is it loud or quiet? It's average - it's louder than the quietest toys but still not as loud as it could be, considering the strength.

Are the vibrations strong or weak? Strong.

Does it have multiple settings? No.

What is the power source? One AAA battery.

Does it look convincing from a distance? Yes!

Does it look convincing up close? Yes!

Is there a chance it can turn on in your purse? Definitely not.

In short, the Rose is hands-down the most convincing lipstick vibrator I've seen so far, and while the vibration settings are limited, the vibration strength is more than enough to make it worth your while. 

Naughty Bits: Bad Bitch Lipstick Vibrator by Calexotics

The Bad Bitch Lipstick Vibrator is part of the Naughty Bits line from Calexotics and is quite possibly the most in-your-face lipstick vibrator on the market. "Bad Bitch" and "Naughty Bits" are printed in curvaceous black font on the plastic metallic-gold case, and the moulded-in-place silicone lipstick component is a deep, vibrant purple. With such a striking design, it's not exactly discreet - anyone who sees the gold case or purple lipstick can't be faulted for taking a moment to admire it a little more closely. That being said, nobody buys a gold-and-purple toy called Bad Bitch because they want it to look discreet. The entire Naughty Bits line is all flash and style, intentionally hard to overlook.

Perhaps the most admirable aspect of the Bad Bitch is that the line is designed for form and function, not form over function. It's USB rechargeable, so no last-minute battery hunt to worry about, and the powerful motor comes with ten modes of various vibration strength and patterns. Despite the strength, the motor is also whisper-quiet. Even with the button on the bottom of the case, this toy is a minimal purse-risk since it runs so quietly.

Breakdown:

Is it loud or quiet? Very quiet.

Are the vibrations strong or weak? Very strong.

Does it have multiple settings? Yes!

What is the power source? USB rechargeable.

Does it look convincing from a distance? Convincing, yes. Discreet, not really.

Does it look convincing up close? Mostly. The lipstick looks real, but it doesn't twist and the brand name on the case might be a giveaway.

Is there a chance it can turn on in your purse? Yes.

In short, if you want a toy that looks as exciting as it feels, the Bad Bitch is for you. Don't rely on the lipstick design to conceal the sexual function, but the quiet, multi function, rechargeable motor and the beautiful design makes the Bad Bitch a standout star compared to its competitors.